I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
