Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
