forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
