And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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