Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
