:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
