So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
