im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
