After last night, I could never be a politician.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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