I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
