I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
