I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
