I am spending my child support on dildos
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
