I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
