dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
