1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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