We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the condom got lost in my hair
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
