Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
