This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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