I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
