i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize