i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
