you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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