Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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