We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
