Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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