can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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