So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
