Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
