Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
