Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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