I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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