Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
