You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
