I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
