I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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