Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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