Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
