i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
