nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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