I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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