Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
