He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
