Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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