I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
