I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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