How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
