I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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