Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
