Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
