where am i from again
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
