we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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