Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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