He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize