is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
