You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
