we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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