Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
