why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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