well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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