her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
