My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
