I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
