I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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