she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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