Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
